blueprints for a dream
“Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime. Fandom is people you don’t tell your mother you’re meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby. Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact. Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky’s law and Godwin’s law and Murphy’s law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you’ve ever had them. Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn’t care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you’re really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom. Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn’t create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn’t create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting. Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer. Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak. Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason. Fandom is where you found yourself.”
—
March 2012
And then you realize that everyone’s life but yours is going somewhere and this shit is messed up because you had plans and dreams and you’ve got to do something about it.
So you go for a walk and screamo your frustrations to the wind until someone throws a shoe at you.
All I’m sayin’ is whoever ends up marrying me is going to be well fed indeed.
Tonight:
- Rigatoni Bolognese
- a spinach and arugula salad
- and an almond apricot bundt cake
just sayin’….
when your abuser was so good at twisting around reality and blaming everything on you that you spend months wondering if he was actually abusing you or if it was the other way around.
submitted by boyprincessdiaries
I hate the word victim.
Victim
- A person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action
- A person who is deceived or cheated
I am not a fucking victim.
I will not suffer. I will not be destructed or injured, I will not be deceived or cheated. Something about the word victim is so.. permanent. When will I cease to be a victim? Will I always be one, according to the standard societal definition?
You are only a victim if you choose to be. I choose not to be defined by the circumstances of my life, I choose not to be defined by something that I did not choose to happen to me.
1/4 of us (women, womyn, whoever you claim to be) are not victims. We experience, but we are not victims.
“I live in a world where two truths coexist: where both hell and hope lie in the palm of my hand” but I will not let one truth weigh heavier than the other, I will not allow someone to look at me and call me a “victim”.
I am a woman, I am strong. No matter who is stronger than me, I am strong. I am beautiful, no matter who is more beautiful. I am clean and pure, no matter who is cleaner and more pure than I.
Survivor
- A person or thing that survives
- One who lives through affliction
Don’t be a victim, be a survivor.
I am a fucking survivor.
I completely agree with using the term “survivor,” and I use it constantly in relation to this.
The only thing that I would like to add is that I do not think it is bad to use the term “victim” when it comes to referring to what we were while the crime was taking place. We were victimized. We survived being victimized, and when we came out of it, we became survivors.
I hope that made some sense.
